Saturday, January 1, 2011

content to be content?

If you were taking a fabulous trip, would you stop 3/4 of the way there?  What if there were some pretty great places along the way with wonderful things to offer?  Sometimes you can reach a certain point and the elation of getting so far gives you such a delight that you become complacent.  At least that is what I have found.  Lately, I have been so happy with the results of my hard work over the last six months that I find myself not pushing as hard as I pushed to get to this point.  The problem with this is that I will never get to my ultimate goal.

For years I have longed to feel content with my body.  Looking in the mirror and assesing my shape was heartbreaking and made me feel like I was never as good as those people that are not over weight.  My self image was rock bottom and this reached into every part of my life.  Sometimes I think that the lack of confidence from being over weight kept me from being successful at actually losing the weight.  It was the proverbial double edged sword. 

Proving to myself that I could make a drastic life change was the first step.  The first several weeks of eating healthy and exercising were among the toughest.  Those first small steps began to make me see that I could take control of the parts of me I loathed.  Please do not mistake me for someone that never gets off track.  As I write this I am reflecting on all of the eating I did over the recent holidays and I feel shame.  At one time in my life this kind of thinking would have been all I needed to start the ulitmate spiral downward into self destructive habits. 

These days when I look in the mirror I see someone that I am proud of.  I have worked hard, changed my life and have the visual proof that I need to make me smile.  However, I know that I have not finished what I set out to do.  There are goals I have yet to meet, changes I still plan to make and miles of road ahead.  Yet I know that there is a day to come when I can breath a sigh of relief and enjoy the contented feeling that comes with fulfillment of a goal.  I also know that day is coming sooner rather than later and that gives me all the hope I need.